He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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