dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
