Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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