What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
operation have a gay friend backfired
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's the barista slut.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
