"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
