My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
