see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
