so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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