The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I cut my penus on the lid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
