Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
