How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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