I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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