I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
