if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
