Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so that wasnt chicken after all
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You need a sexual gate keeper
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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