Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize