drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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