are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
