Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Even my vagina gasped.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
