it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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