Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
