He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
