i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
