Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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