yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
