The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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