Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
