walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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