I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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