and you said cock pushups were impossible
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
