the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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