just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
