I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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