Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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