I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
