I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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