Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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