Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
