and you said cock pushups were impossible
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
