It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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