Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
