You work out of a Hotel?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
