I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
