I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
