i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize