He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
