..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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