Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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