How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
