And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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