First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
