He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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