I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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