Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize