pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just cropdusted the office
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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