so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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