Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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