Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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