he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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