Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
