just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
