youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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