No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
