i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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