i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
