My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
