I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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