Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize