Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
