apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
