she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was like his penis was on wheels.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
