I puked a lego.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
