Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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