pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
