My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
