Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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