My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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