i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
