I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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