I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
