i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize