Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
