So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
